Shadows Beyond Our Realm
by KaoriTamashiro
Summary: Kairi is a normal girl. When Ichigo Kurosaki appears in her life, she's attracted to him. When strange encounters with the abnormal boy turn into fierce battles behind a smoke and mirror wall, what can a normal human possibly do? To be a Soul Reaper or Hollow, one choice every soul must make when seperated from their Chains of Fate. Will Kairi have to choose?
1. Another Shadow Seer?

The day was normal. It started normal and ended normal. In fact, I wished something, anything non-normal would happen. It was infuriating. I had transferred to a new school so there had to be something new to happen. Nope. I made normal friends, got normal homework, had normal weather, and a normal lunch. Yes I smiled and laughed, but I was waiting. For something, anything! My first day at a new school was normal. It was almost a disgrace.  
I walked down the sidewalk, the sun shining in my eyes. I wished I had the cool looking scenery with the awesome sunset, but the sun was directly in my eyes, the street deserted, and my music was the same stuff I listened to all the time. I found myself looking for something to be out of the ordinary. To see if I could find something, keep it secret, think about it, and somehow link it to non-normal. I wanted extraordinary. I was almost disappointed when I walked in my house with nothing to ponder over and keep secret.

* * *

The next day at school I thought there was a new kid.

"No, that's Ichigo Kurosaki" Aiko, my new friend, told me.

"Yep. He skips days more often now though. No one knows why though. He also looks scary so no one wants to go near him".

"I see" I said.

I didn't see him as scary. If anything I was really attracted to his bright orange hair. I wished I could get a good look at his face, but being by the door and him over by the window, it was a bit difficult. Our teacher came in and we went to our seats. I found myself suprisingly disappointed that I wasn't by Ichigo's desk. I was behind him, near the middle. Annoying, because I wanted a window seat and a good look at his face.

I had to stifle a laugh as I listened to the teacher scold him for not being at school for a while. We began class which I half listened to because all I could think about was him. For some reason, I was interested in this bright orange haired, skipping school guy.

Unfortunately, I never got to speak to him or get a good look at his face. I headed home later that day, once again on that path with the sun blinding me. My music muffled all other sounds around me, how I liked it. I looked around to double check for anyone. Dead still. I began to sing softly under my breath.

I felt myself loosen up and start swinging my bookbag around as I sang along to the music. It went well until I tripped over a bump in the sidewalk. I didn't fall, but after some stumbling around a bit I regained my balance. I looked around to see if anyone saw me. The street was still abandoned.

"Yeah...I promise..." I heard a few words filter through the air before I put my headphones back in that had fallen out.

I tilted my head around, trying to pinpoint the location. It was up some stairs on the hill above me. Curious, I walked up the stairs silently to see Ichigo. When I got up there I saw the flash of a black, solid figure by him. It was smaller than him and appeared to be a boy. I didn't know anything else, just what I got from the flash of the figure.

"Hm? Are you lost?" Ichigo asked.

"Uh, no. I just heard voices so..yeah..." I drifted off tilting my head in his direction but still looking at where the black figure was.

"What are you staring at?"

I snapped my eyes to his.

"Nothing. I'll see ya" I said, turning away and walking off.

It only occured to me what I said until after I said it.

"Do I know you? That uniform is a Kurakura High uniform isn't it?"

_Of all the stupid, stupid, things to say, did you have to say, 'oh yea I'll see you around Ichigo Kurosaki, the boy you've been wanting to meet and just made an idiot out of yourself in front of? Really?_

"Yeah it is. Does that mean you go there too?" I turned around stiffly.

_Best to not let him on that you wanted to meet him. Or that you know him for that matter._

"Yeah. Are you new or something? I'm sure I would've remembered you" he said.

I felt my snappy bitchish side coming out. It probably wasn't meant as an insult but it was taken as and I was getting really flustered. I felt interrogated and cornered.

"I'm sure I would've definately remembered you too Ichigo, but yes I am new" I said sweetly.

"How do you know my name?"

I froze.

_You stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid girl! How could you blow your cover like that!? Now what are you going to do!? Stupid!_

Thinking fast, I pulled out my phone.

"Hello?" I said.

I waited a pause then continued.

"Yes. Sorry mom. I'll head home right now. I'm walking as I speak. I know, I know, I'll hurry. Okay. Bye." I pretended to hang up.

"Sorry I have to head home" I said.

I was down the stairs and running off.

"Hey! Wait! How do you know my name!" he shouted after me.

_That was way too close. Waaay too close. Not to mention, why was that black figure so close to him? They never get that close to anyone, not even me._


	2. In which the orange boy skips school

So, yeah. I saw what I called Shadows. They were black figures that came in all shapes and sizes. When I first started seeing them they were either short or tall. Then they were tall, medium, then short. Then I could tell hair length and if they were boy and girl and then some of their clothing. In my entire life of seeing them, I'd only seen two white ones. One little girl in a dress, and then one that would purposely make itself known to me, but never let me get a good look.

Of course they used to scare me so bad. After all, my first encounter with them was a girl on the stairs above me staring down at me through the railings. I had almost screamed. They used to make me scream and came on and off. They would do things to get my attention, and then I would see them run sometimes or hang off my walls. Either way, they did what they wanted no matter how many times I told them to knock it off. What was strange though was that they never were that close to any human.

Ever.

Ichigo was definitely proving to be interesting.

The next day at school was what I was hoping to be normal. I was really nervous over whether Ichigo would hunt me down or not. I went back and forth between telling myself that it was stupid to worry and worried. When he came in though, he sat down and was talking to his friends. He paid no attention to me. I felt dissatisfaction and relief settle inside me. When school got out and I was once again walking down the abandoned street, I kept looking for Ichigo. When I got to the stairs, I went up them. I went over to the pole we were having our discussion by.

Nothing. Just some flowers in a basket. I crouched down and rubbed the petals on a lilac. I stood up and looked up. A mini scream escaped me when I saw the black figure flash in front of me. The images never stayed, just flashed. I scrambled backwards, suprised. I held a hand to my chest. I couldn't see them now, but I figured they were still there.

"You scared the crap out of me. Did you have to stand right in front of me?" I sighed.

"Can you blame him? The last people who messed with the flowers ruined them".

"Yeah but does he have to just come out of the blue?" I replied.

And then I realized I was discussing a shadow. I whirled around to face the person who spoke. I felt shock completely cover my face.

"What are you talking about?" I asked quickly.

Ichigo gave me a look.

"The boy who hangs around here." he said like I was stupid.

"I don't see any boy."

"You were just talking to him!"

"No I wasn't! I jumped cause I saw the pole's shadow!"

"And talked to it?"

"It happens!"

"You're a bad liar".

I could feel myself smiling which was how I blushed.

"I'm not lying".

"Then why did you come back here?"

I opened my mouth then closed it. I looked to the side. I couldn't give him the actual explanation. So instead, I ran off down the sidewalk.

"Hey! Where are you going!? This isn't over yet!"

I sprinted down the sidewalk feeling my cheeks burn badly.

_Why? Am I being mocked? Does he really see them too? Am I being lied to?_

I wished I could say I ran home, but instead I got really hot and short of breath and slowed down. I tugged at my shirt, feeling it stick to my sweaty body. The same thoughts kept running through my head.

_Can he see the shadows? How did he know I was talking to the boy? I can't believe this is happening to me!? I don't want this to be exposed!_

But the thing was that, truthfully, I did. I wanted to be apart of something other than life as I knew it. It was probably what attracted me to Ichigo. And when I thought about it, meeting him up those stairs, not once but twice, had to be luck. In my life no such thing as unordinary existed. I walked into my house, feeling excitement and dread fill me.

The next day when Ichigo walkd in the classroom, there was no way I could even look at him. I had my hair pulled back, so I couldn't hide behind it. Aiko had gone to the bathroom, so it was just me. I kept my head down facing the book hoping he didn't notice me. I held my breath as he walked down the aisle of desks. He slung his bookbag on his desk and sat down. I let out a breath. I was completely disappointed.

_Idiot! If he came over and interrogated you what would you do!? Nothing! You have nothing! Be grateful!_

And I should have been, but I couldn't shake off the disappointment.

Later at lunch time, apparently Ichigo disappeared again. People kept discussing this and the weird occurences around town. Apparently, people were disappearing without a trace, and last night there was a fire at a construction site. I frowned as I overheard the gossip. That was definitely strange in my opinion.

"Kai! Pay attention!" Aiko snapped her fingers in front of me.

I blinked, looking up startled.

"What?"

She sighed.

"I was talking to you about Ichigo. I can't believe he ran off in the middle of lunch. Can you believe this guy? How does he not suffer the consequences. I swear they're's a conspiracy going on here. But his dad is only a doctor. They run a clinic you know?" Aiko said.

"Really?" I asked intrigued.

"Yeah. And its rumoured around here that Ichigo is a seriously good fighter. He would get tons of confessions if he didn't scare off so may girls. Pansies" Aiko chomped onto her chopsticks.

I laughed lightly, thinking rapidly.

"Say, Aiko, who are Ichigo's friends?"

"Oh well there's a guy named Sado, the super tall and dark skinned guy, Uryu, who's like a cool nerd guy, you know, and a girl Rukia. She's pretty cool. A bit strange though. And then there's Orihime. She likes Ichigo. They're all in our class. Say Kai-chan, do you like Ichigo?" Aiko pressed.

I blinked.

Do I like Ichigo? I wasn't sure. What did I feel for him?

"Not really. I just find him interesting" I said.

"Uh huh. That's what they all say when they're in love" Aiko sang.

"Okay Aiko" I said to humour her, smiling.

Later when I walked home, Ichigo wasn't up the stairs. I looked around for the black flash, and just when I thought it was gone, I saw it in the shadows. I smiled at it and left. As I continued the walk home, I had to stop at a street. As I waited for the sign to allow me to walk, I looked around. I saw a hospital in the distance. I read the giant sign.

_Uryu? Does Uryu's family own that hospital? Strange_.

I walked across the street, wondering about it. Finally, when I reached home, I felt sad. There was no Ichigo to hide from. I missed it. It took just a bit of the gray of normal out of my life and stuck some orange in it. A shame too. I liked the color orange.

I was a bit late for school the next day. As I sat down I yawned. I noticed Uryu wasn't in class. Strange. He was the type to go for perfect attendance. I almost laughed. Perfect attendance and me never got along unfortunately.

"What are you smiling about?" Aiko hissed me.

"Oh nothing. What are you up to?" I asked, still smiling.

She studied me then continued on with her long explanation of the morning.

"So I heard that Ishida Uryu disappeared over the weekend and now he's in the hospital" Aiko said.

My eyes widened.

"Seriously?!" I asked, totally hooked on her story.

She knew it too. Which is why, no matter how much I prodded her, she wouldn't tell me why. Finally I managed to get her to tell me.

"Okay, okay", she said laughing.

"Apparently he got hurt when he was with Ichigo and his friends and they lost him over the weekend. He ended up in the hospital that's why" Aiko whispered.

"That's crazy" I whispered back.

"I know!" she whispered excitedly.

"But seriously though, Kai-chan, I wouldn't stay around Ichigo. Even his friends get hurt, and I don't want that to happen to you" she said sadly and dead serious.

"'Course Aiko-chan" I smiled.

She smiled back and went to her seat as the teacher came in. Ichigo hadn't come to school today. I stared at his seat through attendance, wondering where on earth that guy could possibly be at.  
When I walked home that night, Ichigo wasn't up the stairs either. I frowned, feeling pretty let down.

_What did you expect? He __**does**__ skip school stupid. In fact, he won't even be at school tomorrow. You know why? He skips school. And look, one of his own friends got hurt hanging with him. Aiko's right. Just leave the guy alone._

I took a deep breath. It was for the best anyway.


	3. The Truth

**I decided to put a long chapter up as thanks for the reviews! They had me grinning like an idiot so Thank You So Very Much!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, Ulquiorra would be alive**

* * *

Later that night, I ran outside to take out the trash and grab some stuff from the convenience store. The street lights were on and on my way back I passed a construction site. I kept glancing at it, thinking I was seeing stuff. It was kind of annoying, having stupid blurs and figures in your peripheral vision. What wasn't my imagination was the steel beam that crashed to the ground from up high. I stopped dead in my tracks, staring at the site. Unease slid around in my stomach as goosebumps crawled across my skin.

"What the..?" I said softly

"Look out!" A voice shouted.

Startled I took a few steps back, and something whizzed and hit the wall right next to where I was. I felt my jaw gape open. Why the hell did something just try to kill me, and who was that? I was sick. I just needed to go home. I had no need to stay here. In fact I should go now. I turned and began walking home.

"Run away!" the voice shouted this time.

I turned around, terrified. Something sharp hit my arm, and it began to sting. I looked to see blood well up in little drops on the thin cut. My eyes widened. My breath began going faster. I looked up in front of me to see a rippling figure. It was all black and wasn't always constant. For a split second it cleared up and... it was Ichigo.

"I-ichigo?" I asked.

Oh my gosh. Does that mean?...He's dead?

Terror filled me. I turned and ran down the sidewalk and this time all the way home. When I got in, I couldn't breathe in enough air.

"Where did you get that cut?" my mother asked.

"Oh, I accidently hit something on my way back" I lied.

As I laid in bed that night, I couldn't stop thinking about earlier. My head went through again and again sorting everything. If Ichigo became a clear shadow does that mean he died? Who was speaking to me? How did that figure become so clear? I've never seen a rippling one like that. It stayed longer than normal too. What cut me? And who or what was trying to kill me? What was going on at that construction site? All questions and no answers. Aiko's words echoed in my ears.

_Seriously Kai-chan. Even Ichigo's friends get hurt. I don't want that to happen to you._

_Even Ichigo's friends get hurt..._

I felt goosebumps pop out on my skin. I turned in my bed. No better answer than to ask Ichigo. Granted, I'll be labeled crazy, but there's no helping it.

The next day, Ichigo did attend school. I didn't want to ask. When he walked in, we locked eyes. He looked down at my bandage, then turned and sat down.  
He knows. He definitely knows. But I'm sure he's alive. What does this mean? I'm so confused.  
I decided to ask him at lunch. There was no way with all these people in the classroom. Plus I'd have a better chance of him telling me if I asked him alone. When lunch rolled around, I headed to the roof of the school, telling Aiko I was going to the bathroom. I stepped up the stairs, nervousness winding around in my stomach. I opened the door. Sure enough, Ichigo was out there with some of his friends. It was Sado, Rukia, and two others I had seen, but didn't remember their names. They all looked at me. I spoke before I got afraid.

"Ichigo, one of the teachers need you" I lied.

_Why did I lie? I was going to say that I needed to talk to him. Oh well, this way he will actually come alone._

"Okay. What do they need me for?" he asked coming over.

_Think! Think!_

"I don't know, I was just sent to get you" I said.

He came through and the door shut behind us. We stood there.

_Ask him stupid! Ask!_

"Are you dead!?" I blurted out.

"What?" he asked.

"Its because I saw you last night and you were like a shadow and all shadows are dead and I heard your voice and something tried to kill me and I know you know what I'm talking about because you were talking to the shadows too, so I know I'm not crazy and I want answers and I have a right to know since I almost died so tell me everything you know!" I rushed out.

He didn't say anything. The silence stretched out. I wasn't looking at him, but it was getting awkward. Right before I said something, he spoke.

"Sorry. I can't tell you anything. Last night was a mistake that was my fault. I should've been more careful. I hope your arm heals" he turned to leave.

I stood there for a second.

"Wait! How can you not tell me!? I have a right to know!" I called out.

He stopped, door halfway open.

"You're right. You do, after all, you almost got killed. Forgive me for that" he gave me a wry grin.

"Ichigo.." I said.

He stepped out.

"I'll find out then!" I said.

"Don't get involved" he said, and the door shut.

_How dare he!? We are so getting him back! Its a shame he doesn't know that we'll take that as a personal challenge. I think we should absolutely, figure him out._

As I walked home that day, I was extremely irritated. First, I didn't get my homework done in school so I had homework, second it was hot, and third Ichigo had totally blown me off. Asshole. I checked the time on my phone. 3:02. Good, I had time to hunt that asshole down and figure out exactly what the hell he was hiding. I went up the stairs where I had first seen Ichigo and began walking down the sidewalk. A little while later I stopped.

"I don't know whether this is fate or luck" I said aloud, a tad surprised.

I was right in front of the Kurosaki Clinic. Chances of me randomly finding that? About zero. I knocked on the door and a middle school girl with short, light brown hair answered.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Is Ichigo here?"

"Oh, yeah. Are you one of his friends?"

"Yeah, he was expecting me. Sorry for intruding" I apologized.

"No, no, please come in" the sister chuckled and let me in.

"My name's Yuzu. I'm Ichigo's sister" she explained.

I didn't know Ichigo had any siblings. How weird.

"Ichigo! Your friend's here!" Yuzu called out.

I heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Yuzu, who are you- what are you doing here!?" Ichigo froze when he saw me.

I smiled evilly.

"Hi Ichigo. You told me to come here, remember? Your sister was so nice to let me in" I smiled at him.

He gave me a cross look between a glare and disbelieving look.

"My room's upstairs" he grumbled turning around.

Grinning inwardly, I followed him up the stairs. When I got in his room, I was surprised to see that it was pretty clean and bare for a highschool guy. He sat down on his bed and pulled up a leg to set his arm on. He looked at me expectantly. I had no idea what to do. I really hadn't expected to get this far.

"Well? Sit down" Ichigo told me, motioning to the chair pulled up to the desk in his room.

I sat down.

"Let's get straight to business. You know why I'm here and I don't plan to leave until I get answers" I informed him.

He scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, I kind of figured you'd say that" he said nonchalantly.

I was slightly surprised. I really hadn't expected him to agree now when he had blown me off earlier.

"So? First of all, I know I saw you that other night, and don't deny it. I'm not crazy." I said fiercely.

"Yeah, that was me. What I wanna know is how did you see me?"

I was surprised once again that he agreed to me seeing him. This guy was full of surprises.

"How where you a shadow like that? I know you're not dead, everyone can see you so how?" I trailed off.  
"Tell me, when I ran into that first day, you noticed that boy didn't you? You can see them can't you?" Ichigo prodded.

"Them? Oh you mean the shadows. Yeah I saw the boy. That was really weird how close he was to you. Normally they don't get that close" I said.

"Shadows? They're just spirits. Why do you call them shadows?"

"'Cause they are. They're all black. I mean I can see some distinguishing features like whether they're a boy or girl, and possibly clothes, but other than that, they're just flashes of black figures." I explained.

"Flashes? You mean you can't see them all that well? Like they don't have a solid image?"

"Yeah."

"Can you talk to them?"

"I do sometimes. I don't hear them respond. I have a feeling they know what I'm saying though, because they'll flash up somewhere else" I responded.

Ichigo thought for a second.

"What about hollows? I mean, they're like monsters that will attack you" he asked.  
I frowned.

"If what your saying is what I think, I've never seen one, but do they scream?" I asked.

"Yeah.."

"Well, I've heard them scream. To be honest, it scares me" I said a bit embarrassed.

"No kidding. I think evil is quite unbecoming" he commented.

I laughed.

"So? How did you become a shadow?" I asked the pending question.

He sighed, looked at his ceiling, rubbing his head.

"You wouldn't believe me" he said.

"We both see ghosts. I'm pretty sure I'll believe you" I said obviously.

"Okay, here goes."

He explained to me what were called Soul Reapers and Soul Society.

"..."

"See I told you, that you wouldn't believe me".

I had no idea what to think. My mind flatlined.

"Is that why sometimes the shadows are everywhere, and then they hardly pop up?" I asked.

"Most likely, yes" he replied.

"Then I believe you" I said firmly.

"That's a relief." He said.

"So what attacked me the other day" I noticed him slightly change.

"I don't know" he said.

"You're lying".

"I'm serious".

"Just tell me!"

"Even if I told you, what good what it do? You can't do anything. You really can't even properly see a ghost." he said looking at me in the eyes.

That stung. He had no right to say that. I got angry with him and myself. He was right. What could I do?

"Then how come you can see them and your a Soul Reaper? I thought Soul Reapers were dead people?" I challenged.

"That was because my family was attacked by a Hollow and I recieved Soul Reaper powers so I could save them. I was a special case that broke the first rule of Soul Society" he said.

I glared.

Damn this system. There's no loopholes. Think, think...

"Your friends" I said with sudden realization.

"Huh? What about them?"

"Why are your friends constantly involved with you if they aren't Soul Reapers!?" I asked excited that I might actually have him.

"Well, one of them is..."

"And the others?.."

"Aren't".

I sat back with a triumphant smile.

"Don't get any ideas. They got all their powers on their own. I mean, my Spiritual Power apparently had an influence, but they still got it on their own" he explained quickly.

I felt my happiness deflate.

_Damn it. What now? Actually, why am I trying so hard to be something I'm not?_

"Speaking of which, why do you want to know so much about all these powers?

I was shocked. He seemed to read my mind.

"I..I.." I had no answer.

"Ichigo? Is your friend staying for dinner?"

I quickly checked my phone. 4:30.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

"Tell her I have to go" I told Ichigo.

"Sorry Yuzu, she has to leave" Ichigo called back.

I got up and grabbed my bag. Ichigo walked me to the door. On the way down, I saw a girl with black hair on the couch. She leaned her head back to look at me.

"Who's this?" she asked.

"Um, its, uh" Ichigo and Yuzu looked at me.

I sweatdropped. They didn't even know my name.

"Call me Kai" I told the girl.

She turned her attention back to the t.v.

"I'm Karin, Yuzu's twin sister" she responded.

"Nice to meet you Karin" I said as I walked to the door.

"Same" she called back to me, not taking her attention off the t.v.

I decided I liked her. I put on my shoes on the front patio, Ichigo standing behind me.

"So, Kai, will I see you at school tomorrow?" he asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" I said.

He chuckled lightly.

"Speaking of which, how did you find out my name the first time we met?" he asked.

And then I figured it out. It was exactly why I had been interested in Ichigo, why I had always volunteered to go out on nighttime quick trips to the store, I wanted something to happen. Anything. And it had. Thanks to a guy named Ichigo Kurosaki.

_Well, its about time huh? Normal, hopefully won't be in my life anymore. I happen to get sick of it pretty fast. And there's my answer of why I'm so interested in the powers. With them, I can be apart of something abnormal._

"I find it pretty curious that a boy's name is spelled like strawberry" I commented as I stood up.

He made a few noises.

"What's that supposed to mean!?" he demanded.

"Nothing" I laughed and opened the door.

"Bye Ichigo" I said grinning.

School the next day couldn't go fast enough. I wanted to scream. I just wanted lunch to be here. If lunch was here I could interrogate Ichigo some more. Aiko hadn't come to school so I didn't have to worry about her. Then when lunch came around, I got extremely nervous. I opened the door to the roof timidly, wondering what would happen. Instead I bumped into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry are you okay?" he said nicely.

He had black hair and was very nice.

"Oh, I'm fine" I smiled.

I walked onto the roof a bit of my nervousness washed away. Ichigo was leaning on the fence, looking out, Orihime was eating with Rukia and smiling at the scene going on.

"Ichigo how could you not invite me on your vacation!" a boy with brown hair exclaimed.  
Ichigo sighed.

"I already told you. Why won't you give this a rest?"

"How could you abandon your friend?" the boy dissolved into tears.

I laughed a bit. Everyone looked over at me. I froze.

"Hi, I was wondering if I could eat lunch here since my friends not here?..." I asked politely.

"Of course! Sit down!" Orihime exclaimed.

"H-hey Inoue!" Ichigo protested.

I stuck my tongue out at him. No way was he getting away from me.

"Oh, Orihime, I love your hairpins. They're beautiful" I said smiling at her.

"Thanks. My brother got them for me" she smiled.

"He sounds really nice" I said, genuinely happy.

"He was."

I caught the 'was'.

"Oh! I'm so so so sorry! I didn't know! I didn't meant to cause any unwelcome thoughts!" I quickly apologized.

"No, no its fine" Orihime brushed off.

I looked at Ichigo, who was only drinking a juice box.

"Does he ever eat anything?" I whispered to them.

"Who knows? I never see him eat anything at home either" Rukia commented.

"Eh?! At home!?" I exclaimed.

"Oh, you don't know? Oops. I'm staying at Ichigo's house." she said offhandedly.

I sweatdropped.

"Rukia, don't tell her everything" Ichigo said.

"Says the idiot who did!" Rukia yelled at him.

Ichigo grumbled something and looked out the fence again.

"Knows everything? Did they tell you about Soul Society? Um, um.."

"Kai. Call me Kai" I said.

"Oh. Did they Kai?"

"Yeah, I asked Ichigo about it last night" I said.

"Fool" Rukia muttered.

"She came to my house to interrogate me! What was I supposed to do!?" Ichigo protested in his defense.

I couldn't help but smile.

"What are you guys talking about?" the black haired boy came back onto the roof.

"Kai this is Mizuiro Kojima. Don't fall for him, he's a womanizer" Ichigo said plainly.

"Ichigo!" Mizuiro complained.

"Its true" Ichigo retorted.

"Oh and the guy crying over there is Keigo Asano" Ichigo said unfazed.

I looked over at the guy and sweatdropped.

"Umm" I said.

"Now you know everyone" Ichigo said in a bored voice.

"Aren't you just the chipper one?" I muttered.

"I heard that!"

"Good for you!"

He gave me a look, and turned back to the fence. I bit into my rice ball, studying him.

"I never knew a fence could be so interesting" I commented, loud enough that Ichigo could hear me

"Did you have to invite her on the roof?" he asked Rukia and Orihime.

"Idiot! We have to moniter her now. If you had kept your big fat mouth shut, we wouldn't have to go through this! Now be quiet!" Rukia ordered him.

I smothered a smile. That boy was whipped. Rukia began fiddling with her juice box, muttering about how she still didn't get how to insert the straw into the box. As she turned the juice box around, poking at it, Orihime turned to me.

"So, Kai-san, how do you know Ichigo?"

"She doesn't" Ichigo butted in.

"He didn't tell you?" I said, faking innocence, to get back at Ichigo.

"Um, no?" Orihime asked.

"Well you see, it started with him going and talking to people that weren't there in public" I started.

"I don't go around talking to no one in public!" Ichigo protested.

"Me, being the kind soul I am," Ichigo snorted at that, "decided to see what his problem was".

"Long story short, she found me by coincidence and has continued to stalk me since" Ichigo interrupted again.

I felt irritation at him for spoiling my fun.

"Say what you want Ichigo, I'm not the strawberry boy" I said indignantly, taking a bite off my chopsticks.

"For the last time, I'm not strawberry boy!" he yelled.

The lunch bell dinged. I felt my high spirit plummet. Strangely, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay. I was having fun here, it was so non-normal, I couldn't get enough of it. Ichigo crumpled his juice box and left, Orihime and Rukia packed up their lunches, and the other two, Mizuiro and Keigo, left with Ichigo. I followed behing, listening to their conversation halfway, distracted, once again, by Ichigo's orange hair. The color simply fascinated me, and if I said Ichigo wasn't cute, I'd be lying.  
That's not an excuse to form a crush or anything. We need to figure out a way to become a Soul Reaper. How else do you plan on sticking with Ichigo. Do you really think you can even hang out with them if you aren't even important?

I felt my detatchment happening. Just a way I coped. It helped in the end, when you got hurt.

_What am I going to do though? I don't want to be left behind. I need to be stronger, not average. I can't be normal. I can't be normal._

I walked into my house, wondering how I could possibly be non-normal. Every single one of Ichigo's friends either were like him, or gained their powers. I had nothing. My twin brother walked in.

"What is it now?" he asked, opening the fridge.

"Nothing" I replied.

"Liar" he replied, immediately.

_This guy reads me like a book,_ I thought grumpily.

He sat down across from me, eating cold pizza we had.

"How's your new school going?" he asked.

No, we didn't go to the same school. In fact, my brother didn't live with me. I really wished so, if only he knew how attached I was to him. It was because of the divorce. My brother was with our step-dad, me with my mom. I hated it. My brother had to live with a piece of crap like that, and I couldn't even save him. It made me bitter, and every time I saw him, a tiny piece of him had changed.  
It was a sad tale we shared. My mom was great and all, but we were her shiny tools, well at least I was. My brother was the less needed tool that wasn't as good as me. Step-dad? Same. Only tools were tools and only for your convenience. That's all my brother was to them, I mean, at least our mother used me often.

"At first, it seemed extremely normal, but then I met this guy named Ichigo, and don't freak out, but he's super interesting! I have fun hanging around him and his friends." I spilled out.

_I am such a pushover._

"Really? So things seem to be lightening up huh?" he commented.

"Yeah, and you?" I asked.

He didn't look at me, but I felt the subtle change. I felt myself sadden.

"Same. Teachers, homework, the usual. Unlike you, I don't seek crazy stuff" he said giving me a look.  
I laughed.

Its sad we are so apart from each other we lie even though we both know the truth.

"Just be careful Kairi" he said seriously.

We locked eyes. He only used my full name when he was serious.

"Aren't I always" I smiled.

He chuckled.

"Sure Rin" he said.

"Same to you, Riki" I replied.

It was a small joke that had managed to survive between us. I heard my mom call for him.

"See ya, Ri" I said, giving a halfhearted wave.

_Don't go._

"Bye Rin" he said grabbing his jacket and leaving.

_Come back._

I heard the door shut.

_Rikio..._

I wasn't in the mood the next day for school. Aiko wasn't here again. I had texted her, but no reply. Ichigo wasn't at school either. The day was slow and lonely. Ichigo and his friends were gone from school for the next few days. Rikio came over once, but it was the same.

Fake smiles and a wide gap.

* * *

**Preview!: An unfortunate end for Rikio, Kairi's decision, encounters with Hollows, and worries over Ichigo.**

**Now, if you want to know EXACTLY what happens next chapter, press that button down there! It shall make my day! Until next time!**


	4. Ichigo did what?

**A/N- Hey guys! Unfortunately my laptop is in for updates and has your next chapter on it. I AM SO SORRY. I was not expecting to have it taken in! Anyhow because I was enjoying your new reviews so much, I decided to make a mini insert chapter in the story. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Huh?" I asked.

"Yes! I swear it!" Aiko insisted.

I was reluctant to believe her.

"Ichigo didn't really did he?" I pried, still disbelieving.

"I swear on this one. It came from a reliable source" she said proudly.

"You have sources?" I asked momentarily distracted.

"Um, of course. Where else would I get this from? Did you think I was gossiping or something?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Kind of..."

She scoffed.

"As if. Hey! Getting off subject strawberry lover!" she teased.

"I do not like him!"

"Denial is the first stage of love. Then he's gonna save you" she joked.

_Too late for that one._

She snapped her fingers under my nose.

"Kai? Get a grip" she said, snapping me out of my trance.

"Right, so your source is absolutely POSITIVE Ichigo did that?" I asked skeptically.

She sighed exasperatedly.

"Yes. My source even saw it" she rolled her eyes.

"You're going to be a spy someday" I muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing".

We rushed back to our seats as the teacher came in. I couldn't get it out of my head. Ichigo, doing..._that?_ Unbelievable. In fact my mental images were disturbing me. I couldn't focus the entire time in class because all I could think was..._that._ Aiko started laughing at me during lunch, seeing my uncertain expression.

"Seems he's not all he's cracked up to be huh? And you even liked him" she smirked and ate off her chopsticks.

"Stop", I groaned, "I don't like him and I don't care" I huffed eating my egg roll.

"Lies", she chided, " you got to stop that Kairi".

"But still, him doing, doing, _that? _He's not like that" I said miserably.

_What was I going to do? I don't think I could look at him let alone be around him after __**that**__. Was my life going to go back to normal now? I couldn't deal with that. Normal was just, too, normal. A bland life when you know everything, exactly what you will do and everything is out of your power to do anything? NO WAY. I have to figure this out. I need to know if Ichigo would dare do such a thing._

If I was going to do this, I didn't have time to sit around. I told Aiko a pathetic excuse, which she responded to with a knowing "Mhm". I walked to the roof stairs and went up them two at a time. I needed to know. This was eating me. I pushed open the door to see Ichigo arguing with Rukia _(again)._

"Ichigo!" I called out.

_Needed to know, needed to know, needed to know._

"Uh, hey Kai. What's up?" he paused to ask in the middle of Rukia shoving a stuffed lion at his face.

And then the lion talked.

It talked.

"Wow, now that's what I call good boobs" he said.

I blinked.

"WH-WHAT?! IT STARTED TALKING! IT COMPLIMENTED MY BOOBS! WHAT KIND OF TOY IS THAT!?" I yelled.

Rukia had thrown it on the ground and started mashing it under her foot calling it a 'useless good-for-nothing lecherous toy'.

Ichigo laughed, rubbing the back of his head.

"Calm down Kai. He's a Mod Soul. His soul is in a little pill. Often used to occupy gigai's and such when Soul Reapers have to go kill Hollows" he explained.

I glared at it.

"Pretty bold for such a small guy" I said venomously.

"Why are you here by the way?" Ichigo asked.

_That _came back to mind.

I flushed.

"Ichigo...I, uh, have to ask you...did you..." I muttered something.

"What?"

I mumbled a bit louder.

"Kai I can't hear you" he said,.

"DID YOU TRY TO GET INTO ANOTHER GUY'S PANTS IN THE SCHOOL HALLWAY!" I burst out.

He looked stunned. And then _he _got flushed.

"Wh-what are you talking about!? That was a total misunderstanding!" Ichigo spluttered.

Rukia was howling with laughter all over the floor. I was getting embarrassed.

"No, my friend is a Soul Reaper and he had a gigai so I was trying to help him get out of it, cause it gets stuck sometimes, so yeah, some people got the wrong idea" Ichigo explained, embarrassed.

"O-oh" was all I could manage.

Rukia was now crying.

"Sh-she thought you were trying to get in his pants" Rukia said between gasps of laughter before collapsing all over again.

"Okay, I'm sorry" I said blushing, mentally planning to get Aiko back for this one.

Of course, when I returned, she laughed at me when I told her my actual answer. I glared at her.

"Feeling better now that strawberry was only informing his friend about his pants? " she asked, barely concealing her laughter.

Of course I didn't tell her what _actually _happened.

"Whatever. I just cleared up a rumor" I said indignantly.

"Uh-huh" she said with a knowing look.

"What?" I demanded.

"Nothing" she said lightly.

Even when I walked home that evening. I felt TONS better to know that Ichigo wasn't a bold gay guy and used his friends as _objects._ I immediately flushed again, feeling totally embarrassed.

_Damn you Aiko._

* * *

**Well, well. Anyone bother informing me what you all thought I was getting at? Please review and let me know! Reviews do make me go faster and make me SO HAPPY! Although you just reading it makes me extremely happy too!**

**Preview: To die or live?**

**To be continued...**


	5. A refreshing visit?

**Okay so I know the update took forever and you all get the excuse of school and extra activities blah blah blah, so I'm sparing you the excuse and will update the next chapter as soon as I write it okay?;)**

* * *

I listened to my music, doing my homework in the process. It was music to match my emotions which were all over the place. The fast paced music and thrumming beat made me want to dance. Except then my homework wouldn't be done and then I'd be stressing all tomorrow. What felt like hours later and what really was at most thiry minutes, I put all of my schoolbooks back in my bag.

I pulled my headphones out of my ears and rushed over to the iphone dock. The silence in the house was so deafening. It leaked into my ears and began to fill my head to the point that I thought that even if I screamed I wouldn't be able to hear myself. The music played, loud and clear, destroying all silence. I moved around the house, possibly seeing flickers of shadows in the corners and niches of the house. I picked up a little, but eventually, had nothing to do.

_You know what's a terrible idea? Going to Ichigo's house. You know what we should do? Turn off all emotions with music and reading._

I thought it over. First, I probably wouldn't be able to leave and come back before my mom got home, and second I felt weird just barging into their house. What I wanted to know about was the Hollows. I'd only heard them howl twice in a row.

My friends had been over and we had been messing around, laughing until our stomachs hurt, throwing stuff at each other, and then I saw that stupid shadow. It had been especially bugging me lately. In my room breathing with me, popping up, following me. The perfect stalker. It actually pissed me off.

And that was when I heard it.

There was really no explanation for the sound. It was just so haunted, so empty, and chilling. Goosebumps had risen on my skin and the hairs stood up. I felt ice slide down my spine. I couldn't even find it in me to breathe.

"Hello? Kairi? Are you in there?" my friend, Amaya, waved her hand in my face.

"Huh? Yeah" I smiled weakly.

Kagami threw skittles at us.

"Hurry up and go!" she snapped.

We went and everything the rest of the night went smoothly. No problems. No voices, no howls or screams, and no shadows. I rubbed my eyes tiredly. To distract myself, I turned the music onto a fast-paced song.

_Maybe I should go for a walk..._

Its what I told myself, but truthfully I wanted to find a Soul Reaper, or more specific a Substitute Soul Reaper. I was so sick of being home by myself and just wanted a non-normal day. Kind of like lunch the yesterday. I picked up my phone and called Aiko, desperate for a distraction.

_Its Aiko. I am currently working on a Science Fair project and don't have time for you commoners. Messages are useless, I'm busy. Now hang up the phone and call in a week or so. __**Ja.**_

The phone continued to the leave a message voice. I sighed and ended the call. No wonder I hadn't seen much of her. I heard a knock on my door. I opened the door.

"Ah, Orihime?" I asked, surprised.

"Ah, sorry for popping up so unexpectedly" she apologized rubbing the back of her head.

"Uh, no its fine. Um, come in" I opened the door wider.

She stepped in.

"Sorry for intruding" she apologized.

We walked into my kitchen were she sat down and I got cups out.

"What can I do for you?" I asked.

"Um, well, you see, Its about Kurosaki-kun" she stuttered.

"Huh?"

"Oh do you want tea or lemonade?" I asked.

"Oh, tea with hot sauce" she replied.

I stood there for a second not sure if she was serious. She continued on, unfazed though, so just going with it, I got the stuff out.

"I, um, wanted to ask if, if you, if you..." she mumbled something.

"What?"

"Oh! I asked if you l-liked K-Kurosaki-kun" she was flushed.

I blinked at the sudden question.

"Um, no, not really. Is this because you like him?" I said slowly.

She put her hands up to her cheeks.

"Is it that obvious?!" she exclaimed.

"Uh, yeah...? But don't worry he's dense so he probably hasn't even noticed" I brushed off.

Her face fell.

"Oh, yeah, probably"

I sat the drinks down, lemonade for me, and her concoction. She busied herself with mixing her drink as I sipped my lemonade, watching her.

"He can be such a jerk can't he." I said.

She looked up startled.

"What!?"

I sat down my drink.

"Ichigo. I totally would blame him. I mean come on. Its not like its that hard to notice stupid subtle hints, I mean my God what is he? A whale or something? Doesn't notice something until it hits him in the face like a brick? Don't you agree?" I asked as I took a sip of my lemonade.

For a long time, she said nothing.

"Yeah, I guess so" she said so quietly I almost didn't catch it.

"That's why you came here right?"

She looked up startled.

"What?"

"Ichigo was being such a jerk, you thought that maybe you were losing your chances. So you asked if I liked him. Don't worry though. I find that strawberry boy interesting but I'm not your rival or anything. So totally go for it okay?" I smiled at her.

She looked at me openly, and then smiled.

"Thanks Kai-san."

"Just call me Kai. We're friends aren't we?"

I shut the door behind her as she left. I felt immensely better. And suddenly, I didn't feel the need to go find a Substitute Soul Reaper.

* * *

**I am working on the next chapter right now. The next one is finally the tragic one you've been waiting for. I simply had to add some character depth to some others. Alright, ultimate challenge is in the distance! xD**

**~Kaori~**


	6. The price for abnormality

**Made it long as an apology for not updating:)**

* * *

"What?" I said through my rice ball.

"I SAID THAT I CAME IN SECOND PLACE FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR! SECOND PLACE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW TRAGIC THAT IS KAI!?" Aiko yelled standing up in outrage.

I raised my eyebrows, still on the floor, ignoring the stares we were receiving.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW PERFECT IT WAS!? I LITERALLY WENT OVER THE REQUIREMENTS SO MANY TIMES AND MADE EVERYTHING PERFECT! IT WAS FIRST PLACE WORTHY!" Aiko broke off panting.

The wide eyed stares and the few people baking away was expected. Aiko had literally poured everything into her Science Project and came in second place. I had no supportive words because, science sucked.

"I CAME IN SECOND TO URYU ISHIDA! THAT STUPID STUCK UP NERD CAN GO SHOVE IT! MINE WAS TOTALLY BETTER! I MEAN WHO CARES IF YOUR HEART RATE GOES FASTER AT DIFFERENT SOUNDS!? NO ONE! PEOPLE DONT CARE ABOUT THEIR HEALTH! THEY CARE ABOUT TECHNOLOGY NOWADAYS!" Aiko ranted on.

I continued to eat the rest of my lunch as hers went untouched as she actually managed to go on a rampage for the entire lunch break. By the time she sat down, we had three minutes left.

"Wow, that was a record" was the first thing I said.

"Leave me alone" she mumbled as she laid on the grass.

I sighed.

"Listen, the most likely case you came in second was probably because Ishida has connections" I said, trying to offer some form of help.

"Yeah... wait, did you just call Uryu, Ishida?"

"Huh?"

She sat up and studied me.

"When did you have time to make friends with the enemy?" she asked suspiscously.

To be honest, it was kind of Ichigo's fault. Hanging around him made me just call Ishida, Ishida.

"I don't hang out with him!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"I don't believe you".

The lunch bell rang. I packed up my stuff.

"You're not getting away with this!" Aiko shouted after me as I left.

I waved back to her.

"Love you too!"

* * *

I really hated gym. Not because they forced me to exercise my talents and because strawberry boy sat in that stupid window above me (not that I was looking), but because of the locker room. And not just because it smelled like sunscreen badly. Suddenly a changing session became the time to spill out your life stories and how hideous you were or how inferior you felt. All in all, I didn't care, but why did they have to vocalize the fact that they felt so alone compared to others. Even I felt that way, I just couldn't deal with that stupid fact on top of the other stuff piling up on my life.  
Truthfully, all I wanted right now was a change in my life.

I wanted it to go away.

I wanted...

I couldn't stop itching my skin. I wished it was a rash or something. Flames ate beneath my skin, chewing its way out. I shifted my feet, and shifted again. I flexed my hands and scratched at my arm again. Ah, the begginings of an anxiety attack, such a joy. Last time I went through those I literally chewed the skin off my wrist for an hour.

The worst part was that I was walking home from school, alone. It only made me even more aware of my loneliness. When I got to the stairs where I first met Ichigo, I paused and gripped the hand rail. I forced myself to let go and continued walking to the last place I wanted to be.

_Aren't we supposed to call that home?_

It was happening again. The same reason I transferred and it was all coming back again. This was the third tardy I'd had at school within my four weeks of transferring here. Not even Aiko could make me truly happy. I'd dropped Ichigo, if only for the fact that I was shutting people down in my life one by one. He came into class and occasionally I'd feel his eyes on me, wondering why I suddenly stopped. I never dwelled on those thoughts though, they made me want to cave in.

I felt days in my new school become something below normal. They turned into dull. Where even a normal day I could at least find some genuine moments. With dull, I wasn't even comfortable in my own skin, something that made me want to hide from the world. Especially the fact that even if I didn't want to admit it, I wanted to be with Ichigo and Aiko, but something held me back. It always did.

Lunch wasn't even filling anymore. I began to notice how my quantities of food that would have me still hungry seemed to be fine. I was eating less. Some days I threw away extra food. It worried me, but soon I stopped caring about that too. Aiko didn't know, after all, it seemed normal. I hadn't paid attention to Ichigo in over two weeks. Something I knew Aiko noticed, but said nothing about.

My brother hadn't visited me in a month. I would say I didn't care, when actually it hurt so much more than anything. I would say I didn't feel abandoned when Aiko was forced to go off on trips for the weekend with her family as 'bonding time' and I couldn't reach her. Just like I would say that I didn't miss laughing with Ichigo and his friends. I especially didn't care that no one even saw me suffering, even if I was up to my neck in thick black water.

I didn't get my first real breath of air for another three weeks. Three weeks. That gave me enough time to fall into such despair, I stopped seeing the light. When I started breathing again, I was so much better. I owed it to Orihime. I think she noticed things, that most people would look over. Like my absences and scratching, my fake smiles and less eating.

It started when I was walking to my classroom from the locker room. I happened to be the only one in the outside hallway when I ran into her.

"Kai?"

I looked up from where I was watching my shoes step forward.

"Orihime?"

"Kai, um, sorry to ask but, uh, are you, okay?" she asked slightly timidly.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"Are you sure?"

_No, I'm not fine. I am absolutely not fine._

"Yeah."

There was a pause.

"You should come eat with us" Orihime suddenly burst out.

"What?" I asked, surprised by the outburst.

"You should eat with us, and laugh really hard, and eat lots and lots of food. You should try all kinds and make fun of Ichigo. Call him names and get Rukia-san to yell at him. I miss fun days like that. Its not fun when Kai is sad. When she's sad, her friends get sad. They don't want to hurt her feelings so they don't say anything, but I want Kai to come back to her friends, that way, that way, she can smile again" Orihime let out in one huge gasp.

I stood there, shell shocked.

_No one, no one ever, no one ever...noticed. You mean they all knew? And all this time they said nothing because they were considering...me? What? How? I, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be fine!_

"You're not really fine though are you?"

I looked up at her surprised.

"You didn't want anyone to be upset for you, so you decided to be quiet. So, I wanted to tell you that everyone is waiting for you okay?" she gave me a forced smile.

"Orihime" was all I could say.

Inside, there was so much I wanted to say.

_Thank you._

_How did you know?_

_Do you understand?_

_I'm glad you noticed._

_Are you okay?_

_Thanks for saying something._

_I feel better now._

_I think, I think that maybe, its okay to eat lunch with you now._

_Do you think I can smile, truly?_

_Did even Ichigo notice?_

_I'm glad you are there for me Orihime._

_You're the best friend._

_What are you talking about silly? I'll be there for you._

With all this running through my head, she understood the one word. All the sudden the bell rang.

"Eeh? Sorry Kai, I talked so long I made you late!"

I laughed.

"Oh, what's a few minutes? Its my first tardy to the next class. We can add it to the others" I smiled.

Her face was open with surprise, then she grinned.

"Right. Isn't our next class with Kurosaki-kun and the others?"

"Yep. Did you straighten your hair today?"

"Oh you noticed?" she asked embarrased, fingering a strand of it.

"I like it" I smiled.

"Really?"

"Yep. You should do it more often if you want. Maybe even curl it ya know? That would definitely grab someone's attention" I said offhandedly.

"Oh, thanks Kai-chan" she said a light pink dusting her cheeks.

" 'Course" I smiled.

* * *

"EAT IT!" Rukia yelled mashing Ichigo's face.

"No way! Its slimy and gross! Who knows what's inside that stupid animal!" he tried pushing her off.

"If you leave your body in the open one more time I swear I'm not helping you out of the next problem!" she threatened.

I gasped for air, clutching my stomach.

"We'll be back before lunch!"

"Um, Ichigo, you do remember that the last time you said that, the school called an ambulance because you weren't breathing right?" I said wiping my eyes.

He paused.

"Well, uh" he stammered.

Rukia slammed the pill into his mouth and jerked his head up. A shadow wavered behind Ichigo's body as Ichigo started yelling like a little girl. I busted into laughter.

"What did you do to him!?" I gasped.

Rukia looked at some candy dispenser in her hand.

"Oops, looks like I gave you the chappy candy" she stated.

The wavering black haze behind Rukia began to waver even more, like Ichigo was yelling. I laughed even more. Even if I couldn't see Ichigo, and he appeared like some blurry wraith that was black with a blob of orange, I could still tell what he was doing. Ichigo's maniacal laughter suddenly ceased.

"What the hell Rukia!?" he yelled.

"I already told you it was an accident" she said folding her arms.

It escalated into an arguement from there and I swallowed my laughter so I could gather my stuff.

Ever since Orihime and I's talk, I'd noticed something like a subtle change in Ichigo, like an aura of power to him. Deep in my heart, I knew I was being left behind, but I couldn't stay away.

"Kai?"

"Huh?" I asked, snapping out of my thoughts.

"The bell rang, are you coming?" Ichigo asked.

"Uh, yeah" I picked up my stuff and followed.

* * *

A soft wind blew. It felt like the kind of wind with purpose, like something was going on I didn't know about. It felt nice, ruffling my hair, and sliding along my legs. I let out a breath of air. Nights like these were the best. It was silent, with street lights and the sound of the wind to keep you company. I was walking along the street I had when I first saw Ichigo as a Soul Reaper. The night was still vivid in my mind, but every time I thought of it, I felt an awe come over me. Seeing Ichigo fighting as some unearthly being, destroying evil. He was like a hero in disguise. I wondered why he did what he did. He wasn't born that way from what I knew...

A hand grabbed my shoulder. I jumped and slapped the hand away, spinning around.

"You should pay attention Rin, you're going to get kidnapped" Rikio scolded me.

"Shutup Riki" I laughed

He laughed and fell in step with me as we began walking again. We didn't bother discussing why he was out at this night, nor me. There was no point. Leave the skeletons to collect dust, and keep the door locked on the closet.

"How's school?" I asked instead.

"Ah, the usual, boring as ever" he laughed it off.

I felt a foreign sensation enter me. Something like regret, hopelessness and anger. It wasn't mine either. I stopped walking. He walked ahead of me a bit, then stopped and looked back.

"Rin?"

"Riki, what's wrong?" I asked.

"What?"

"Rikio, why are you lying to me?" I said sadly.

"Rin, I'm not lying" he said like he was confused.

"This isn't fair! My own twin is lying to me when he knows that I know when he lies!" I felt myself begin to crumble a bit.

"Rin.." he started.

I couldn't stand the fake smiles anymore. I didn't want my brother to be someone's tool. That, was, simply, unbearable.

I saw something flash in the corner of my eye. I looked over.

Nothing.

"Listen Rin, I swear to you.."

Something flashed again.

"...I wouldn't do that to you. I mean it. You're all I have left Rin.."

This time I stared at that area. And then, right in front of me, the blurry object flew at me. A yelp escaped my throat and I instinctively moved to the side.

"Rin, what's wrong?" my brother asked, sensing my distress.

"Nothing, sorry. It was a bug" I laughed it off.

I saw something move in the corner of my eye. Something big. I didn't think much of it, but a horrid sensation was creeping down my back like ice. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck and arms raise.

I turned.

It was so huge.

Just one big gaping hole.

_Run._

I didn't realize I was running until I hit Rikio. We almost made it, but Rikio was like a solid, unmoving and very surprised wall. I felt myself reaching toward the light from the street lamp.

Reaching to grab the light as dark caved in.

Reaching, reaching...

And like my hand slipped off the edge, we were englufed in black.

* * *

"...Alive" the hazy blurred up voice slid through.

"I think too much has been sucked out of her. Look, her very soul is nearly gone." A female voice said.

_'Dang it...',_ the voice filtered through, clear as day.

_Rikio?..._

_'Kairi, I need you to take this.'_

_Rikio! Where are you! Why can't I see you!?_

_'Hold on to it tight. I'm afraid its all I can give this okay? Its important. Kairi...'_

_Rikio! What's that supposed to mean!? Rikio...,_ I stumbled around in the blackness, desperately searching.

_'Bye Rin'_

The blackness cleared to a lighter gray and I saw him grin at me.

My eyes opened. A white haired boy and orange haired girl stood over me.

"Rikio?" I asked.

I saw them exchange looks.

"Honey, you're the only one we found" she said.

I felt my eyes well up. I didn't want this. I didn't want to lose my brother. I never asked for this.

_But you did.._

The voice spoke the words I didn't want to hear.

_Did you think the price for abnormal would be easy? Everyone lost something so they could change, you're no exception dear. Looks like your brother paid the price for your so called happiness._

I felt something inside me collapse. Leaving me hollow, like there was a hole in me, a void that needed filled. Something that chewed at me, searching, hunting, craving for the one thing that could fill it. My brother. But he was gone now. I guess there was no point anymore then.

"...Hey! Hey!" A voice snapped me out of my torrent.

I looked at him as an answer.

"Is this yours?" he held up somthing strange.

It was long and thin... It resembled..

_A sword._

_'Hold on to this tight Kairi'_

I tried to sit up, but I couldn't. I picked up my arm. It was like dead weight, and fell down. No matter how much I pushed it, it disobeyed me and fell. The guy stuck it in my hand. It was warm and comforted me. Tears welled up in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry. We couldn't get you out of the Bount any sooner. It swallowed you guys and started absorbing you. By the time we got you out, you were the only one left, and not even barely alive." the girl apologized.

I curled up against the sword. I had no idea why my brother had given me a sword, but it was all I had left of him. There wasn't even the memory of him, just the sword. In fact, I didn't know anything about him except the memory of him grinning and...

"Are you a Soul Reaper? What's your Squad and Rank?" I was asked.

I shook my head.

"I'm not a Soul Reaper" I choked out.

"Then why do you have a zanpakuto!?"

"Its my brother's. He gave it to me. He's the one you should've found, not me" I felt myself waver inside.

"Captain, we can interrogate her later. She's not holding up too well." I heard the girl say.

I was picked up and soon I felt the wind run through my hair. Its not like it mattered anyway. I was being eaten alive by the void inside me and its not like I was fighting it anyway. If the void ate me, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much, and I wouldn't have to feel anymore. My brother's death was too much. How could I possibly be expected to live without another half of me?

I heard voices, but I could only focus on the sword. This thin object, with a white handle and black stitching, was linked to his soul. Maybe I could find him, maybe he could come back, after all, he'd only be a soul, that was good enough for me. I just couldn't accept that my brother had been absorbed into some bastard who only wanted him for power.

"Kai!?" the startled voice said.

"Do you know this girl Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"Yeah, she's a friend of mine. What happened to her?!"

_Ichigo, Kurosaki? That feels familiar. Kai? Is that my name?..._

"Got in the middle of a fight with a Bount. You know, the old guy and the fish" the girl explained.

I was moved to another room, but not before I heard the next part of the conversation.

"Why's she so see through?"

"The Bount was using her for power. Apparently her brother got caught too, but he's not even alive. Body and soul, gone. In fact, that girl is dead. She's got, what, three links left on her chain of fate? Her body is gone and her soul is pretty used up. Don't be surprised if we kill a hollow tonight" the white haired guy said in a cold voice.

_Is that what that void is in me? Have I lost my heart? I can't shake off the feeling of craving. All I want is for this void to stop. Its eating me away, and then I won't have anything left to keep of my brother. I need to bring him back, I have to stay alive for the sword. But, I'm not even alive. In fact, like they said, my soul is barely together, my body is non-existent. Damn it!_

The black spots in my vision crowded together and blanketed me.

* * *

"Its about damn time. How long were you planning on making me wait!?" a female voice demanded.

Suddenly, I was in a demension where half of it was pitch black and the other pure white. I was right on the border, half of both.

"Honestly, do you know how annoying it is for us to have to deal with you going black and white constantly? I'll tell you right now that you're choosing one or the other got it?!" the girl on the black side demanded.

She was completely shrouded in black, it covering her like ninja clothes, constantly rippling. The only thing visible was her eyes which were red.

"Don't yell at her. She lost her other half." a softer voice said disapprovingly.

This girl was white with a white kimono and the sleeve covering the bottom half of her face. She had white hair as well. Both girls had long hair. They both stood near the border, but some distance away.

"So?" the black girl said.

"Who will you choose?" the white girl asked.

"Do you plan on fighting?"

"Or moving on?"

"I, I want to bring my brother back" I answered.

"So do you want to fight?"

"Or move on?"

Apparently I had to choose between that. I highly doubted that moving on would bring my brother back. Fighting it was.

"I choose to fight" I replied.

"Ha! I told you she would!"

The white girl rolled her eyes.

"She's going to need me anyways, your just the dominant part" she replied dryly.

"Congrats girl, you're a Soul Reaper!" the girl came over and pulled me on the black side.

"Soul Reaper!?"

"Where else are you going to get a sword?"

"I don't want to be a Soul Reaper!"

"So you want to die?"

I stopped.

"What?"

"If you chose to move on, you'd die. Well, actually turn into a hollow, but you chose to fight, to fight you need to be a Soul Reaper. Got it? Now, as for my name, I'm only going to say it once got it?" she asked.

"O-okay" this was all going so fast.

"Did you hear me?" the black girl demanded.

"Yeah.."

"Good, now don't forget, oh and don't let that innocent looking white girl fool you, bitch is fucking evil. She'd have let you turn into a hollow and get slaughtered" the girl's image began to waver.

"Now leave idiot, I'm tired of looking at you" she pushed me back and I woke up.

I awoke under a blanket. I looked around. It was a japanese-styled house. It had green mats, but I had no idea where I was.

"Well, have you woken up?" a female voice said.

I looked over.

A tanned-skinned girl with purple hair and orange and black clothes smiled at me. She reminded me of a cat.

"Where am I?"

"You're with friends. How do you feel?"

"I feel fine."

Which was kind of true. All I felt was grief for a boy who I only remembered his face and he was my brother.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Yoruichi, and yours?"

_...What's my name?..Didn't that boy say...Kai?_

"Kai?"

"You sound unsure. Tell me, do you remember anything?"

"No. I'm not sure what happened or where I was. I only remember some people and a boy and my brother died." I said confused.

I attempted to sit up.

"Oh, don't sit up yet! Drink some water first" she said.

She left the room, probably for water. I felt hopelessness sag on me. She came back with water and I drank some. It cleared my head. With the help of Yoruichi, I was able to stand up and walk down the hall. We walked into a room full of people. They all looked at me as I came in. Best part? I knew none of them.

"Kai are you okay!?" a boy with orange hair asked.

_Wow, its such a flaming color._

"Yes, I'm fine..um do I know you?" I asked.

They exchanged looks.

"Kai-chan you don't remember Kurosaki-kun?" another girl with orange hair asked.

"No...?"

"Do you remember anyone here?" a boy with white hair asked.

"Should I?"

"Looks like she has amnesia" he concluded.

This time, I was sure I wasn't imagining the exchange of looks.

_Riki, help me.._

* * *

**There, its extra long! Make sure to review! How am I supposed to know if you want me to update or not? Poor Kairi lost her memory. Sorry I took so long, been overwhelmed and had writers block. If you got any ideas leave me a message!;)**

**~Kaori~**


	7. The Steps Into Fate

**Okay here's the next chapter! Thank you for all of your lovely reviews! I love them! See I update faster when I get more!;)**

* * *

I had no idea how long I had sat here on the stool, staring at my reflection.

_Was my hair always black?_

I didn't know. It seemed every question that had arised about my appearance was unknown.

_Did I cut it recently?_

The edges of it slid right past my shoulders.

_What if my hair is curly, but it is straightened?_

I blew out a sigh. I had no memories past my brother's last smiling face.

_Don't get involved._

I blinked as the words suddenly filtered through my head. Brushing it off, I studied my face more in the hand held mirror Yoruichi handed me. I went over every mark, scar, or blemish, searching for something, anything to trigger a memory.

Nothing.

I was like a blank sheet, waiting to have life write horrors on me.

_Isn't that a good thing?_

I closed my eyes, trying to figure out where the thought came from. It was foreign and unnatural, feeling like it had wormed its way in.

_Without any extra baggage, doesn't that mean you can start without any regrets?_

I felt my eyes open in surprise. I never thought about it.

_You're a Soul Reaper now. Hadn't you always wanted to be one?_

Always wanted to be one... I didn't know. In fact my knowledge about a Soul Reaper was hazy.

_Unless you want to be normal..._

No. The thought shot through me, the first thing I was absolutely sure on. I did not want to be normal.

_Well then, I guess you have to start by finding your sword._

I looked around. It should've been with me, I wasn't sure why though.

_Find it._

The voice was urgent in prompting me. I felt a bit of unease, but I did want to know where it was. I sat down the mirror and stood up. I opened the door and stepped into the hall. I heard voices to my right, so I made sure to go all ninja stealth as I walked down the hall.

"What do you mean its not registered!?"

"Exactly what I said. In fact, my database can't even give me what type it is".

"How is that even possible?"

"I don't know. I also found out that its a twin sword. This one we have is actually dormant, and the other is active. Where it is, none of us know".

_Dormant? Twin? Unknown type? What are they talking about? A volcano?_

"Do you know the owner of it?"

"No. As far as we know its not even registered in Soul Society".

"How is any of this possible? Especially unknown to Soul Society?!"

"Like I said, this is a shock to me to, in fact why don't we ask the owner?"

"What?"

"Kai, would you like to come in?"

I felt my eyes widen in shock.

_How did he know!?_

I opened the door sheepishly, giving them an embarrassed smile as I sat down.

"Where did you get that zanpakuto?" the white haired kid asked.

"Now, now, Captain Hitsugaya, don't yell at her" the guy with a weird hat said.

"What's a zanpakuto?" I asked.

All of their looks mirrored surprise at my question.

"What!? I don't know! Amnesia remember!? If I even knew it the first place" I trailed off.

"That sword you had when you came here. Its what we call a zanpakuto. Do you know what it can do?"

"No... Should I?"

They exchanged looks.

"Kai, who supposedly gave this sword to you?"

"My brother. He said I was supposed to keep it."

There was another exchange of looks.

"Do you happen to know where another one of these swords are?"

_Say no._

I felt a vague surprise about the urgency of the thought, but I felt uneasy about this as well.

"No, I don't" I answered.

"Do you have the sword?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes, we ran some tests on it while you were asleep. Would you like to see it?"

"Yes, please" I said immediately.

After sending a red haired boy to get it, the man turned back to me.

"Say, do you remember anything?"

"No, I don't remember anything at all. I'm not even sure what my full name is".

That earned shocked expressions.

"According to Ichigo, your name is Kairi Manurai" striped hat said.

"What's yours?" I asked on reflex.

"Huh? Oh, pardon my bad manners, I'm Kisuke Urahara" he laughed.

The door opened and the kid gave the sword to Kisuke.

"Here you go" he handed it to me.

I grabbed the sword, and immediately felt such a relief. I felt like a hollow aching inside me was suddenly stopped. My eyes began to burn as tears filled my eyes.

"Sorry" I said, my voice thick, as I wiped my eyes.

"Oh, its fine. It must be hard losing your brother" Kisuke said.

"Yeah, and I don't remember anything except what he looked like" I whispered.

There was silence as I stroked the sword, just happy it was in my possession.

"Say, Manurai, if we showed you a picture, would you be able to tell if it was your brother?"

"Yeah" I replied, looking up.

Captain Hitsugaya stood up.

"I'm going to return to Soul Society. We have the Bount problem on our hands and now this. I need to inform them and then I'll be back to retrieve her" Hitsugaya said referring to me.

"Come back to get me?"

"Yes, I'm afraid that you don't have a physical form anymore. Your Chains of Fate have disappeared meaning you are either a Soul Reaper or only have a few days before you disappear completely" Kisuke said.

My eyes widened in horror.

"Normally you'd be sent to Soul Society and live there with reishi to keep you existing, but here in the World of the Living, there isn't enough to sustain you. This is the most likely case considering you shouldn't have undergone a Soul Reaper process am I right?" he asked eyeing me.

_Say you don't know what he's talking about._

I was so confused. I didn't want to cease to exist! There were so many voices right now and so many questions without any answers...

"Why can't I just go to Soul Society right now?"

"Soul Society is currently battling Bounts, the people who killed your brother and almost you" Hitsugaya broke in.

_I, I don't know what to do anymore. Riki, help me. Riki? Wait, who's that?_

"What do you mean by Soul Reaper process?"

"Its what Ichigo Kurosaki went through to forcibly become a Soul Reaper. Something that you have to do on your own" he said.

"Which was entirely illegal" Hitsugaya grumbled.

"Actually I kind of had a dream or something of these two girls and the one told me her name" I trailed off.

"Two girls..?" Hitsugaya muttered.

"Tell me Kai, what did these two girls look like?"

"Well the one had a white kimono and the other is like all ninja black" I answered.

_You shouldn't tell them this._

"Did they say anything?"

_If you tell him, you won't be abnormal anymore._

I hesitated. I didn't want to be abnormal. But wasn't I a blank sheet? Ignoring the voice, I answered Kisuke.

"They asked me if I wanted to fight or move on" I replied hesitantly.

"What did you choose Kairi?"

"I think you know the answer" I said giving him a wry smile.

"So you became a Soul Reaper" Hitsugaya concluded.

"I guess so" I smiled.

"So where's your zanpakuto?"

"Huh? Do I get one of those?"

"All Soul Reapers have one!"

"Really? I thought they like developed over time or got different weapons" I wondered aloud.

"That was bugging me as well. Kairi, do you remember a sword?"

I thought back.

_I don't want to be used for your stupid training or whatever okay? That's stupid. Your brother's zanpakuto is also my twin. You guys share identical souls. Basically what I'm saying is you can also use him if you ask. I don't want to be used unless necessary. Did you get that?_

The thoughts filtered through. Honestly I hadn't known they'd existed but as soon as I remembered I'd always known they'd existed.

"Actually, it makes sense know" I said putting the pieces together.

I sat down.

"This might take a bit, so you might want to sit" I told Hitsugaya.

* * *

"Okay so what you're basically telling us is that you are ninety nine percent sure you can weild a zanpakuto and your twin brothers zanpakuto?" Kisuke said.

"Yes" I replied.

"You're also telling us that your sword, while it may be active is being dormant per say and telling you to make your brother's sword, which is dormant, active?" Hitsugaya asked eyes closed and arms crossed.

"Yes" I replied.

"This is quite the mix we have here" Kisuke commented.

I gave a wry smile. Honestly I had no idea why my sword was being so complicated. While I was comforted with my brothers sword, I didn't want to wield it. It was like using my brother as a tool to fight for me.

_The only thing that can protect. you now._

Surprise filled me as new words came through. The only thing that can protect me now? Was I being protected from something before? I rubbed my eyes as confusing thoughts bounced around. Why was I given this sword? Is it supposed to protect me? What am I being protected from? I took a deep sigh.

_Don't confuse yourself more than you need to_, I mentally told myself.

"Kai if you're tired you can go lay down. This must be exhausting" Kisuke offered.

"Thanks, but I was actually wondering if I could do those tests you asked about with this sword. You know, like test what it can do in the hands of well, the second wielder" I asked.

"I was hoping we could get around to that" he smiled.

* * *

"Um, can I ask a question?"

"Sure, go for it".

"Why do you have a desert underneath your store!?"

"Oh, this is a training area. Quite handy for this stuff" he explained.

_You know what, I don't even know anymore_, I mentally sighed.

"Well first things first, unsheath the sword" Kisuke instructed.

_I hope this training doesn't ruin my clothes.._

I unsheathed the sword, admiring the blade and how it glided out.

"Woah" I breathed.

It was any normal sword. Nothing special.

"Now Kairi, only a zanpakuto can cut a Soul Reaper, now go ahead and see if it cuts you" Kisuke said.

Normally I would've felt a slight subconsious resistance, but my hand slid freely, pushing the sword's blade across the top of my hand. I stared at it, waiting for the bright blood to well up in droplets and then form into a line that dripped off. Nothing happened.

"What the-?" I muttered.

I dug the blade harder. In fact, it didn't hurt nor did it cut me.

"I don't, why isn't it cutting me!?" I burst, confused.

"This proves you are a Soul Reaper" Kisuke said.

I looked up.

Soul Reaper.

_"No, I'm a Substitue Soul Reaper so I'm not dead"_

I felt a stabbing pain race through my head. I winced.

"Something wrong?"

"So if I'm a Soul Reaper, does that mean? Am I, am-" I broke off, suddenly breathing hard.

_Why is this such a shock? But everyone can see me? I'm not, I'm not. I-I don't understand how this happened. I'm alive! I am!_

"Oh, were you not aware? Yes, when we found you I'm afraid that we weren't even sure if you were going to be fine through the night. You almost turned into a hollow. We were nervous" Kisuke said lightly, but his eyes were sharp.

_No, no. I had a life. I had friends. I'm not, I can't be! NO!_

"Hey, Kairi, you need to slow your breathing, or you'll hyperventilate and pass out" he instructed.

_Kairi, stop. Now. You can be miserable later._ I instructed myself, grief eating me.

"Okay, next step?" I asked voice strong and steady.

My voice was my complete opposite. I wasn't strong. I was certainly not steady. I was falling apart. My world was wiped, and the blank fragments I had just turned to ash. I had nothing. I HAD NOTHING.

_Just the sword. The key to the answers you've lost and need._

I blinked at the intruding voice again. It wasn't any of my demons, more of an independent voice.

_Almost like its someone else's._

"Well, we've never had a case like yours before. You're a Soul Reaper trying to form a bond to another sword. Technically speaking, its impossible. In theory though, because you have identical swords, you may be able to wake it if you can even reach its consciousness" Kisuke explained.

"I can do it" I said.

I don't know why I acted like I was confident. I just felt like it was important I did this. I wanted to do this for the brother I'd forgotten, like an apology.

"Do you have any tips on how to ask it or get to its consciousness?" I asked waving my hands around.

"Here hold this, after three seconds it will give you a temporary spiritual pressure burst and that should do the trick" Kisuke explained.

There was that cold look in his eye. I felt like this was a test. He handed it to me. I steeled myself. I grabbed the strange object. It was like a sharp crystal icicle. I looked at the sword and concentrated on it. Suddenly I felt lighter, like I was walking on air. I looked around myself.

Blue.

The word was all I could do to explain. It was all blue with mirrors reflecting each other all reflecting that clear translucent blue the sky holds that no color can imitate. I felt so free. I focused on the sleeping shape in front of me. It was strange because there was a black shape curled on their side sleeping and above them a ghost like one sleeping on their back. They were like mirror images.  
I opened my mouth, but that seemed to make a sound that reflected all around me. The black shape stirred.

_Shh, don't wake him._

I looked around for the voice that spoke with no sound. I realized that it was the asper in front of me, sitting up and smiling. His general outline looked like the orange haired boy I saw the day I realized I had amnesia.

_Who are you?_

_The words tumbled out when I went to form a sound. He smiled._

_You came here to wake us right?_

_Uhm, yes?_

_That means the sword inside you goes dormant you know that right?_

_I figured._

_Are you okay with that?_

_What do you mean?_

If the sword inside me went dormant, it'd be what she wanted and I'd be fulfilling my brothers dying wish of hold onto the sword, so why was his sword second guessing me?

_You realize all chances of regaining your memory will disappear right?_

_What!?_

_By putting the sword dormant, its like sealing it. When you seal your sword you seal the part of your soul that happened to form the sword. Your memories created that sword. If you seal it, all memories will be sealed, for good. I can't guarantee you'll even remember your brother's face._

I paused. Did I even remember his name? Rikio?... I wasn't sure. How I wanted my memories back. I wanted them back so bad.

_My past made me who I was..._

The thought drifted aloud.

_You're right. Are you willing to say goodbye to yourself and embrace someone else?_

_But I'm not them._

_Technically, without any memories, you can't prove you're anyone so how can you say you're not anything?_

I blinked. It was completely true.

Okay, I accept your terms then.

There was a tinkling noise. Almost like he was laughing.

_It wasn't a contract. But that suffices. Kairi, I'll be your new persona and in exchange you seal all memories of yourself._

_Right._

He floated forward.

_One quick question! Who's that black covered person!?_

He smiled.

_Maybe you'll find out someday, but I think you already know._

He came forward, becoming harder to see as he took on a liquid shape. I stared hard at the person.

Soul Reaper?

He touched my arm. He was cold, I expected wetness, but there was nothing. I looked up at him to see I couldn't see him any longer, only the wavering shape of the black figure. I felt like I was being washed with cold water, but I couldn't tear my eyes from the black figure. His liquid body was absorbed by my skin as the feeling left tingles behind.

_What is this feeling?_

I stared hard at the figure trying to see something. I felt my body getting lighter as if I was floating out of my body. I felt like I was about to leave the consciousness of the sword. Finally the figure shifted. My eyes widened in shock. I didn't know who it was, but I felt an immense shock. Suddenly in my mind the the last and only memory I retained popped up. My brother was giving me one last grin.

"RIKIO!" I screamed, as I felt myself being sucked away from him.

Tears flew from my eyes as we were sucked away from each other.

_NO! Go back! I finally just found him again!_

"Rikio.." the words fell from my lips like a dying breath.

* * *

**Hahaha cliffhanger! I am almost sorry, but I'm not;) MAYBE just maybe if you press that pretty review button over there you'll get the next chapter which is already written xD :)**

**~Kaori~**


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